Are You The Ex Factor?

“It could all be so simple” but you don’t want to make it simple. You choose to be difficult because you know I care about you and that’s what keeps me open to you. Why is it so hard for you to be honest with me? Why do you beat around the bush? I can not allow someone to have this much control. You make me feel so special and then I don’t hear from you for weeks at a time. You take my kindness for a weakness and now that I think about it, it may be it is my biggest weakness. You reel me back in with the words you say and I’m blind enough to let you do it over and over just because I like what you’re saying at the moment.. totally forgetting about why I tried to distance myself in the first place. I don’t know why I keep allowing this one person to have this much control over my decisions. No, it’s not love but I do feel for you. Something that I have to learn to do is to stop being so nice to you. If you honestly cared about me that way you told me you do, you wouldn’t do the things you do. I have been nothing but a good person to you. Remember when you told me that I was the one that gave you peace during your troubles? The thing was I never tried to be, it just came naturally. Remember when you said that I had a good heart? I honestly do; it’s soft for you and maybe you’ll never understand that. I fault myself for even letting it get this far. I saw the signs but chose to ignore them because I thought that you would eventually do right by me. There were times when I would question myself on what I was doing wrong. Don’t get me wrong, we had a great connection the first time we were together and every time since. When we’re together, the vibe is irreplaceable. The thing is connections and vibes are not enough for me. I need more but are you willing to give it to me? No, because if you were you would have. Why do I have this feeling for you when there’s no chance of commitment? Maybe it’s because we’ve already done things that only people in committed relationships should do. That’s the part that bothers me the most! I let you into my personal space, not just once, but multiple times. You told me you didn’t want a relationship right now. I respected that and was willing to wait but then you started doing certain things that made me feel otherwise. Those times that we were together felt like a relationship. The way you made me feel inside felt like a relationship. Was it relationship vibes or just situationship vibes? I was unable to tell the difference because I was too caught up in the thought of being with you. That’s my fault for being naive. “I keep letting you back in. How do I explain myself?” It’s because I want to believe everything you tell me. Looking back at these messages, you said you cared about and missed me. We didn’t communicate for four months because you did something to hurt me. Of course, I thought about you a lot during that time, but I was strong enough not to reach out to you. It was you that came back and started the cycle again. If you don’t want a relationship with me then why do you keep coming back? So many unanswered questions. You never want to get deep, but I’m a deep person. You say no relationship but I’m a relationship girl. Are you afraid of your own feelings or is it that you don’t want to get me that emotionally involved. The only way I can move on from dealing with you is “You let go and I let go too.” Truly let go and move on.